What’s a Physics?

Thanks to Daily Mash for providing this pastiche of our week in Ofqual Comms:

CONCERNS have been raised over the standard of science teaching after it emerged thousands of GCSE pupils could not tell the difference between a microscope and a frog.

Image

Question Two: Which one is the frog and which one is the miocropscope?

 

Exam regulator Ofqual has demanded urgent action by ministers before a child suffers serious internal injuries from trying to drink a bag of carpet tacks.

Ofqual said the dumbing down of science teaching has led to children being awarded physics GCSEs for running head first into a wall, while the chemistry exam involves making a glass of Ribena without getting yourself or anyone else pregnant.

And according to Ofqual one child was awarded a ‘B’ grade after claiming that gravity was invented in 1994 by his Uncle Derek.

A spokesman said: “We risk creating a generation of adults who will not only lack vital 21st century skills, but who also risk electrocuting themselves while trying to release the tiny people trapped inside their television sets.”

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