Never Commit Anything to Paper

Dorothy Parker

The Collected Letters of Casey Leaver

NEVER

My
sister rang me on Saturday (while I was in the laundrette feeding
hundreds of pounds into the tumble dryer in a vane attempt to dry a
kingsize double duvet).

She rang me to read aloud a letter
that I had sent her nearly ten years ago recording the beginnings of
Himself and I. How adorable.

It was so sickening that I actually (very rudely) put the phone down on her when she refused to stop reading it.

Perhaps I’ll be able to stomach it when I’m 80 – and less keenly embarrassed.

But I suspect not.

I
have mentally vowed never to commit anything to paper again – surely
cyberspace doesn’t count? – at least until I have developed the wit of
Dorothy Parker:

I don’t care what is written about me, so long as it isn’t true.

Photograph taken by George Platt Lynes (1907-1955)

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