Fantasy Committee League

Found this while spring cleaning. Authored by one colleague and sent on to me by another – both shall remain anonymous.

Fantasy
football, fantasy cricket, fantasy water polo, fantasy island…you’ve
tried them all. Well, now it’s time for the University’s very own top
notch, big bucks, points mean prizes, hold on to your seats type
thing…yes, it’s Fantasy Committee League! The rules are simple, entry
is free, the first prize is an all expenses paid trip to a Senate
meeting of your choice and we might even have a winner by the turn of
the next millennium.

All you have to do to take part is to
select your Fantasy Committee from the list of Committee members at the
front of the University Calendar. You must select nine members in
addition to yourself as Chair (ten being the least optimal number for
effective decision making) and, of course, an Administrator to keep
order. You can spend as much money as you want in putting your
Committee together but it’s not likely to do you any good. Then all you
need is an appropriate name for your Committee and you’re off!

Points
are awarded each week according to the performance of your Fantasy
Committee members at University Committees (note: performances at
Departmental Committees will not be counted – our officials can’t be
everywhere at once). Points are awarded for each of member of your
Fantasy Committee according to the following tariff:

  • Turning up(5 points)
  • Turning up on time(7 points)
  • Submitting apologies for absence(1 point)
  • Submitting apologies but turning up anyway(-2 points)
  • Making a decisive contribution(2 points)
  • Making an utterly irrelevant contribution(2 points)
  • Falling asleep(-5 points)
  • Asking for tea instead of coffee(-2 points)
  • Asking for coffee instead of tea(2 points)
  • Asking for biscuits(-3 points)
  • Insisting that we always used to have biscuits at committee meetings(-5 points)
  • Wilful prevarication(5 points)

Bonus points are also awarded for making any of the following contributions (3 points in each case):

  • This sets a dangerous precedent
  • The time is not ripe for such a proposal
  • We should set up a working party to look at this carefully
  • Has anyone notice the grammatical error on page 8?
  • Does this fit with the strategic plan?
  • Any Latin phrase
  • Didn’t we reject a similar proposal in 1974?
  • I remember…

So, if you want to prove how easy it would be to push
through your controversial idea for a fourth term devoted to research
or sound out views on the proposal for a new car park on the lawn in
front of Senate House – now’s your chance. Fantasy Committee League –
it’s as exciting as the real thing!

(An application
form, Committee Team Sheet and full competition rules in even smaller
print can be found on page 37. No responsibility is accepted by anyone
for anything.)

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Comments
11 Responses to “Fantasy Committee League”
  1. This sets a dangerous precedent!

  2. Max Hammond says:

    quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.

  3. Casey Leaver says:

    Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

    To quote Quote.. Unquote last night.

    (So much for preserving peoples’ anonymity!)

  4. John Dale says:

    I think someone posted something about this in 1974. It’ll never work.

  5. Natalie Snodgrass says:

    I know which committee I’ll model my Fantasy Committee on.

    To
    add to the ‘falling asleep’ category I can add ‘falling asleep while
    balancing on a pen and waking up suddenly to deliver an eloquent
    comment’ – quite impressive actually.

    I have some choice
    others but they would pretty easily identify anyone who attends my
    model committee, so in the interests of delicacy, maybe not…

  6. Casey Leaver says:

    One
    of my favourite Warwick stories is about the senior member of staff on
    an interview panel who asked a question and then fell asleep leaving
    the poor candidate to keep talking.

    None of the rest of the panel felt they could interrupt or curtail the answer because it was someone elses’ question.

  7. Natalie Snodgrass says:

    Oh to have been a fly on the wall 😉

  8. Casey Leaver says:

    Remind me to tell you who it was some time!

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