Must Stop Reading the Metro

…it’s not good for me.

On the Sherlock Holmes principle (every new piece of knowledge displaces a piece that is already held) I must stop reading it.

For example – this morning I have learnt about Drag Kings.

Specifically how to practice walking like a man:

Practice walking with two ripe plums in a polythene bag between your legs. Don’t break them.

…and how to ‘pack’ yourself (should the need arise):

For
your manhood: fill a condom with hair gel, tie tightly and then put it
inside another condom and put that inside a sock or a stocking. This is
called ‘packing’.

If you ever see me on the bus
reaching for a copy of the Metro then slap me sharply on the wrist and
frogmarch me back to my seat.

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Comments
7 Responses to “Must Stop Reading the Metro”
  1. Holly Cruise says:

    Have
    you got a copy still? That sounds like an interesting article (and as
    I’ve said before, the only good thing about Metro is the Nemi cartoon).

  2. Anonymous says:

    “every
    new piece of knowledge displaces a piece that is already held”. I
    didn’t know that before so upon reading that sentence I’ve now
    forgotten the alphabet. Rats.

  3. Probably better to be reading the Metro than playing with two condoms and a tube of hair gel…

  4. Casey Leaver says:

    Did you lot just all clock-on together?! A veritable flood of comments…

    Yes, I do still have it (digs it out of bin), and it’s not got too much of my mid-morning sandwich on it! 😉

    Will you come and get it or should I send it to your pigeon hole?

  5. Holly Cruise says:

    Leave it at Rootes Reception for Rootes 31, hehehe…

  6. Casey Leaver says:

    Holly – why do I suspect that this is not your room?

  7. Holly Cruise says:

    Gotta maintain that enigma… plus I live in Leamington. My pigeon is my front door.

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